It has hit me hard...

Nope, that's not a "That's what she said joke"  it's a fact of my life right now.  I've been hit, and hit hard.
What have I been hit with?  Everything.  This week, I've learned quite a few things.  I've learned that stress makes me really sick, that stress is a sin because we're not trusting God, and I learned that lukewarm is an awful place to be.  


I know that I've written about being lukewarm before but it seems that every time I look at something remotely Bible-related, I hear about being lukewarm.  It's something that God is really pressing on my heart.  And the thing is, I have been lukewarm for so long, it's like a trap that I don't know how to get out of.  Do I go to worship more often?  Do I pray more, even when I can't stand the thought? How do I stop feeling so lost and confused?      One word: prayer.  It's the only way that I can become fully on fire for God.  I love to worship through prayer and music. Even in secular music, I can find God.  That gives me sooo much comfort.  


On another note, this past week, since tuesday my stress levels have been skyrocketing.  It got so bad that I was snapping at one of my best friends.  Yesterday it caused the worst headache of my life.  It was so bad that I was doing my homework and fighting back tears.  Until I started praying and reading the book The Irresistible Revolution by Jim Wallis.  Then the headache lifted.  As soon as I started to focus on God and have "our time" it lifted.  I don't know why I didn't think of that much sooner.  I've been letting myself get so caught up in everything around me and I haven't put any focus on God.  I even told my friend Lauren that I like my balloons and I don't ever want to give them up because I didn't know where that would leave me.  Because of that, I truly believe that satan was grabbing hold of me and my life and trying to rip it apart. He was popping my balloons one at a time and watching me free fall into a black abyss of nothing.  Depressing and scary right?  Exactly what I thought.  


So what am I going to do now? I'm going to stop looking at what's going on around me right now and worrying and instead give the present and the future to God and let Him hold my balloons.  But that is also easier said than done.  Without my balloons, I have to rediscover things and become something new.  I guess we'll see if I am up to the challenge.