A new school year

Since my last post, many new things have happened and I have learned  more about myself that I could imagine.  I have learned how fragile relationships are for starters.  When I started this summer off, I never expected to be where I am now.  I never would have thought that I would be dating or that I would lose one of my greatest and dearest friends in some capacity.  


My summer has been filled with work, many happy moments, and a few sad ones thrown in there too.  But isn't that how life works?  Always throwing a curve-ball or forcing you to drop on that roller coaster ride...causing your heart to feel like it's about to explode out of your body.  My first experience with that was with a family member that I hold very close in my heart.  The second was with my oldest friends.  But I have learned something from all of this.  You have to take those curve-balls and scary moments and just deal with them.  You can't listen to what other people say, you have to make your own decisions about your life and the people in it.  That's been the hardest thing for me...making my own decisions.  Will I date? Will I go back to school?  What am I going to do when the worst happens? Will I be strong enough for it all when it all seems to come crashing down upon me?  But I started thinking...why do I have to rely solely on myself?  Why haven't I been looking for the people God has put in my life?  Why have I not been leaning on the One who saved my life?  Here's the answer.  


I have been too caught up in the world around me and what others think, that I haven't had time to listen to the people that God has placed in my life.  


It became so easy and commonplace for me to ignore Him and do what I want to do and I wasn't being held responsible for my actions.  When i was being held responsible, I would push away and grow angry and not listen to the people I respect the most.  the hardest part was living with my family over the summer.  After a school year of holding myself responsible, I started to despise the rules I had to go back home to.  I didn't want a curfew because I didn't think it was fair (and I broke it many times hanging out with friends), I would leave as soon as mom or dad were supposed to be home because I didn't want to hear their lectures, etc.  I pushed away my family even farther than I thought I ever would or thought possible.  I broke personal boundaries that I had set for myself and I regret some of it more than anyone will ever know.  But I came out of this summer closer with Natalie who I miss so much and closer with God.  My lessons have been learned (even if I did it the hard way :p ) 


I'm very excited about this school year.  I have good classes with good teachers who love what they do :)