midnight ramblings

I was reading through my old blogs and watching the changes I have experienced in the past year. And I have learned SO MUCH about the woman God wants me to be. I've learned about spiritual gifts and have started being able to see what mine are after a long time of searching. I have also been blessed enough to see a breakthrough. 

A few weeks or months ago (I don't remember when), I was at this Fearless gathering at my church and that night for the first time in years, I learned the hardest lesson I have ever had to learn- forgiveness. I had held so much bitterness and anger in that I couldn't function anymore.

So here's my Easter miracle...

I went home for Easter break with the thought that I have forgiven my parents and held no anger or bitterness toward them in any way.  And somehow, I would show that to them.  On the way home, I had a mind-blowing conversation with my dad about prophesy. And he, at his church a few weeks ago, had heard a sermon on it and he was so open to talking about it and gave me some awesome feedback and told me about the sermon and we talked about other things too but that is what sticks out most in my mind. You see, my dad and I have never been able to have a conversation like that before because I was never open to what he had to say.

I got the chance to spend some alone time with my mom. Which I was really nervous about because usually things don't go well between us- we are always disagreeing and arguing about something.  But Friday, after I got done helping her with some spring cleaning things, I took her out to dinner and then we went shopping.  Well, here's an awesome God-thing. My mom and I spent more than 5 minutes together without fighting. In fact, we spent a few hours with nothing negative said between us. We got along and were able to talk about serious things like my relationship with my boyfriend and school and NOTHING negative was said. For me, I loved seeing that after forgiving her, I have been able to come from a place of great dislike to almost love. And after the weekend I had in Horseheads, I was able to tell her that I loved her. And I wasn't just saying it because she had said it first and I felt obligated- I had said it because I meant it and could feel it.

You might be wondering why I'm telling you all of this. Well, here's why.

I was at TFH a while ago and there was a prophecy that there would be a break-through with families. And I was talking to a friend, and he told me that if I show Christ's love toward my family, maybe they would see it and want it. 

Well, I am seeing these things happen and come true! 

I came across a saying from Pastor Alex Ruffer back in Big Flats and it was this, "when you don't forgive someone, you are holding them back from any kind of relationship with God.  You are also holding yourself back from a relationship with Him."  

I have been blessed enough to see this firsthand. By forgiving my parents, I have seen such a change in them. I no longer hold them responsible for things in my past and I no longer blame them.   And by the Grace of God, and God only, have I been able to see the breakthrough and changes in my family happen. And it's not just changes in my family. Since forgiving and letting things in my life go, I have been able to get so much closer to God and I can now see the amazing things he is doing in my life! He has blessed me with Godly people that surround me everyday, and to know that He will lift my head high (Ps. 3:3) when I need it is just so amazing. There really aren't even words to describe that feeling.