Baptisms :)

So today was my baptism and oh my word was it fun!  =D  There are no words to describe my feelings right now but I will do my best throughout this post.


First of all, last night Marlise and Nicole came down to spend the night.  Katie and Shawn were also in town so we all headed to the Corning Museum of Glass.  We ended up spending a few hours there having a blast admiring the glass and playing.  We went home, had dinner and went back out to take my brother home and to get videos from Family Video.  After Nicole's hassle at Family Video we finally got out with the three movies we were planning to watch.  We went home, watched them all, and went to bed sometime around 1:30 a.m.    I ended up not being able to fall asleep because there was so much running through my mind and it wasn't just all nerves.  So I came back upstairs and sat for a while writing a three page letter to God.  I wrote down how I felt about everything from my parents to the gentleman who shares my birthday and his health to the baptism.  And at the end of the letter I realized that I had gotten SO much off of my chest that I had been holding onto making me stressed and worried and a little cranky.  


I finally got to bed and I woke up, ate breakfast, got ready, and went to church.  It was the hardest thing for me to do- getting up in front of everybody trying to talk without offending my parents.  But then I realized that I could just say what I needed to say and get it over with.  (There were only a few tears involved).  But it was the greatest thing to look out into the sanctuary to see both new and old friends and my family sitting there, supporting me.  It was the most amazing experience ever.  When I got dunked, it was all I could do to keep from just bursting out into laughter because I was so full of joy.  I don't think I have ever experienced such an amazing thing in my life other than actually becoming a Christian after everything I had done to myself and those around me.  


So I just want to leave off with the same verse I left off with when I gave my testimony.  Psalm 3:3 "But You, O Lord, are a shield around me.  My glory, and the One who lifts my head high."

almost done!!!! =D

So school is almost over!  In nine or ten short days, I’ll be headed home for the summer.  I definitely have some excitement and trepidation over this.  I’m afraid that I won’t get a job and that mom won’t let me continue to go to BFW.  I’m also afraid that I’m missing something in God’s call on my life.  I feel like I should be doing something more this summer and I have absolutely no idea what that is.  Is it taking a bigger step and doing more with the church?  Or am I mis-reading my heart?  I mean, it (my heart) has led me astray more than once before.  So what is my next step?  It’s not like I’m graduating from college or anything, but I’m still at the age where I have to live my own life and become okay with doing things on my own.  Plus I have to get a job :p  ickkk


Alright, so new story...


Last night I went to Christ Community Church's worship night  (I mostly went at first because I missed church yesterday morning) and let me just tell you, it was something that I've never really experienced.  The music was awesome (led by Becka  and JT (boo Ohio State!!)) and as I started to get into it, I realized that there are so many ways that we can be restricted from our freedom to worship.  And then the Pastor said something about it!  Anyway, later into the night, everybody was sharing about the pictures or words that God was speaking to them.  And Nicole and Emelie got "prophesied" over (i'm not sure if that's what it was b/c i'm not entirely familiar with it) and others were sharing about how God was showing them pictures or how God wanted people to jump into His "River".  Anyway, it was a really awesome experience and the picture that came to my mind was one that Shelly Binsfeld once shared with the BFW youth group.  And it's an image of a line graph.  And even though the lines go up and down, not once do they touch 0.  It's like God is cushioning us from hitting rock bottom.  I love this illustration and I hadn't even remembered that she told us about it until last night when it popped into my head.  

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It has hit me hard...

Nope, that's not a "That's what she said joke"  it's a fact of my life right now.  I've been hit, and hit hard.
What have I been hit with?  Everything.  This week, I've learned quite a few things.  I've learned that stress makes me really sick, that stress is a sin because we're not trusting God, and I learned that lukewarm is an awful place to be.  


I know that I've written about being lukewarm before but it seems that every time I look at something remotely Bible-related, I hear about being lukewarm.  It's something that God is really pressing on my heart.  And the thing is, I have been lukewarm for so long, it's like a trap that I don't know how to get out of.  Do I go to worship more often?  Do I pray more, even when I can't stand the thought? How do I stop feeling so lost and confused?      One word: prayer.  It's the only way that I can become fully on fire for God.  I love to worship through prayer and music. Even in secular music, I can find God.  That gives me sooo much comfort.  


On another note, this past week, since tuesday my stress levels have been skyrocketing.  It got so bad that I was snapping at one of my best friends.  Yesterday it caused the worst headache of my life.  It was so bad that I was doing my homework and fighting back tears.  Until I started praying and reading the book The Irresistible Revolution by Jim Wallis.  Then the headache lifted.  As soon as I started to focus on God and have "our time" it lifted.  I don't know why I didn't think of that much sooner.  I've been letting myself get so caught up in everything around me and I haven't put any focus on God.  I even told my friend Lauren that I like my balloons and I don't ever want to give them up because I didn't know where that would leave me.  Because of that, I truly believe that satan was grabbing hold of me and my life and trying to rip it apart. He was popping my balloons one at a time and watching me free fall into a black abyss of nothing.  Depressing and scary right?  Exactly what I thought.  


So what am I going to do now? I'm going to stop looking at what's going on around me right now and worrying and instead give the present and the future to God and let Him hold my balloons.  But that is also easier said than done.  Without my balloons, I have to rediscover things and become something new.  I guess we'll see if I am up to the challenge.

A Good Analogy plus some other random thoughts

Last Friday and today I was told a very good analogy that I have found to apply directly to myself.  My friend Nicole was telling us how she is one of those people who likes to take all of these "balloons"- taking people places, feeding people, listening to people, and doing things in general for others.  The thing is, both she and I are like this and we just take all of these balloons and hold onto them and we just keep taking more and more balloon strings.  Pretty soon, we're floating away with all of these balloons we're holding onto and God is standing there telling us to just hand some of those balloons over to Him.  And we stand there and say "NO! They're MY balloons!  I can HANDLE it!  I've got this!"  Then we just keep floating but without those balloons, we don't know who we would be.  If we were to just hand them all over, we would be so lost and unsure of what to do next.

Nicole and I both have something else in common.  Our greatest prayer is that our family members would be saved.  But if we stop and think about it, even though it would cause us to praise God even more, we should already be praising Him as much as we would if our greatest prayers were answered.  So the question I've been faced with this past week is "can I give my balloons to God and I mean really and truly give them to Him, not just with my words"     I sure hope that I can learn to do that!  The only thing is, I absolutely LOVE doing things for others and even if it stretches me so thin that I think I'm going to break, I still do it for them.

Also tonight, we touched on the topic of lukewarm Christians again.  JT told us that in the Bible, the strongest words ever used in Biblical Times was when God said that He will vomit/spit us out of His mouth because we are lukewarm.  There is nothing for leeway there.  Lukewarm is obviously absolutely revolting to God, so why do so many people think that being lukewarm is alright and acceptable?  But then again, who are we to say that someone is lukewarm or not?  If we try to decide that, we are judging them and we will be judged according to that.  It's like judging someone for being homosexual or for being a liar.  In my opinion, homosexuality is just as much of a sin as lying is.  Who is to say that one sin is bigger or worse than another?

A lot of these things have been weighing on my mind lately and it's one of those "balloons" that I have to let go of.  The only thing I know these days is how great my God really is and how much He wants us to want to be caught by Him.

From Lukewarm to "God, You are enough"

I just want to talk about some things that really convicted me tonight at small group. We're reading through the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan and we were talking about chapter four which is titled Profile of the Lukewarm. We started talking about how it's sooo easy to be totally on fire for God one day and the next fall into the role of the lukewarm christian. We get so caught up in the internet or schoolwork that we are fine just saying "oh yeah, i'm a christian" but never live like we are. And it's SUCH a dangerous pattern to fall into.

The first thing written in the chapter is this quote and it sums everything up quite well (at least in my opinion)...
"It's not scientific doubt, not atheism, not pantheism, not agnosticism, that in our day and in this land is likely to quench the light of the gospel. It is a proud, sensuous, selfish, luxurious, church-going, hollow-hearted prosperity."
If God is constantly chasing us, why aren't we letting him catch us? Why aren't we chasing after Him? Why do we chase instead after schoolwork, the internet, our friends, etc. ?

My friend Marlise said "we don't need our grades and education to be with God. We do however need to be praising Him." This really struck a chord with me because I thought about how many times these past few weeks I've worried about the amount of schoolwork that I have and how I'm going to fit everything into my schedule. And what i should be doing instead is letting go of some of my balloons and giving them to God to take care of for me.

Becka, my small group leader, told us that at the Truth Project at our church, the leader asked if anyone could honestly say "God, you and you alone are enough for me".

I don't know, but when i think about that statement, i think about all the things i can't seem to live without. My friends, my education, clothes, all the random things I do for fun. I don't think i've ever been able to say "God, you and you ALONE is all i need. It's more than enough".

Tonight we started praying and we went on for a good 45 minutes to an hour. We prayed for soo much that was burdening us and weighing us down and even if there were a lot of tears, it was sooo amazing to be surrounded by girls who want nothing more to do than just be there. Even if they don't have the right words to say or just don't know what to say, they're there encouraging and lifting each other up. Fridays have easily become my favorite days of the week :)

30 Hour Famine

I took part in the 30 Hour Famine the 27th-28th in Whitesboro with Melissa.  It was so much fun and I got the chance to meet so many people.  The driving part was awful.  I thought that Melissa and I were going to die.  We were driving too fast for the road conditions. 

Once we were there, the fun began.  Actually, it was a little bit awkward at first because I had absolutely NO idea who anybody was.    But eventually I started talking to more and more people and I had fun.  I especially enjoyed hearing Melissa's Dad talk.  And he challenged us to give up something that controls us.  I was especially encouraged to do so and focus more on my schoolwork before everything else that was fun.  I'm doing alright I suppose.  We'll see how it goes as the weeks go on.