Tonight I went to a church worship night. It was one of four nights at The Father's House and this was my first experience there. So as much as I would like to say that I went purely for the worship and message, I did not. I also went to see what it was like and if what people were saying about it was true.
Well, it was. Not only is it a huge building, but the number of people there was staggering for a girl who grew up in a church of 10-15 people and moved to a church of 100-200 to this. I walked in and the first thing I saw was a gift shop area. A GIFT SHOP AREA IN CHURCH?! What the...?! But I was able to get over it fairly quickly because there was so much to see!
After a few minutes, we all found our seats and that's when the fun began. Worship was pretty good but I felt like it was more of a concert than anything. Once the first part of worship came, there was an announcement about how you could buy shirts that they were selling for this four day event. Kind of annoyed me and maybe it's because I have never been to a church like this, but I felt like they were more intent on focusing on people buying things and giving for the offering (if you're an online watcher, donations are accepted through pay-pal).
But then the speaker for the night started worship back up/kept it going (depending on how you look at it) and it was so amazing.
Now, I believe that God performs miracles but because I have never grown up around prophecy, it's still new to me. So I was a little out of my comfort zone but there were some truly miraculous things that happened tonight. Because of tonight's events, I will never be the same. And while it's not something I can describe, it's something I can show with my life. So that's what I'm going to do.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
A wrap-up of 2010 and the beginning of 2011
So I know that it has been a while since I last posted anything. In fact, I haven't posted anything since before Thanksgiving break 2010 so here it goes...the wrap up of 2010 and some random thoughts from 2011. So please be patient with all of the jumping around that I do with topics.
Finals week (for the two days I was here) went by really fast but not without some stumbling blocks. It's funny, it was only two days, but in those two days, I had to confront demons that I never thought I would have to face again. But I dealt with them thanks to a few amazing people in my life.
Once I got home and settled into a routine, time started to fly. Before I knew it, it was Christmas Eve and Natalie and I were singing in church and then we were waking up early and going to Courtney and Nate's for Christmas Day. I wasn't working so I had a ton of lazy time to do absolutely nothing. So that's what I did, nothing. New Year's Eve was spent in the same way it always is- games with the family but there was an addition this year. Nick came down for our annual game of Chicken Foot Dominoes and then we left to watch the ball drop at his house. It was weird...it was the first time I wasn't home for the ball to drop and I didn't have to go to bed as soon as it dropped. So that was the end of a great year and the beginning of a new one.
On New Year's Day I learned I wasn't as strong as I thought I was or wanted to be. We did our annual trip to see some of my relatives because, for the most part, they all live in the same area. But what I wasn't prepared for was what I saw on this trip. If anyone has ever watched someone's health slowly get worse, they'll know what I am talking about. I used to think that I would like to know when death is going to happen but now I'm not so sure. My entire view on death has changed and not just in a Biblical sense. I no longer wish to know when my death is going to come nor do I like seeing someone slowly die because of an illness. I would rather be shocked that it happened even though neither is a good option. I have learned that when I die, I want it to be quick. I don't care so much about how much pain I may be in, but for my loved ones, the less they see me deteriorate the better.
I'm hoping you're still with me.
After New Year's, I knew that the time was coming for me to go back to school or as I refer to it most often (sometimes on accident) home. So Nick went back to school and I followed his example a few days later. I was ready to get out and go back to being who I am, not who my parents wanted me to be.
I came to school and did the usual unpacking and cleaning (two days worth of junk) and then I started classes. I don't have classes Mondays so I spent the entire day bored because I had nowhere to go and nothing to do but watch television or movies. I learned that being back is both a blessing and a curse. But here, I can go to the church I want to go to without arguments and pleading and I can be more comfortable. So here I am, in the third week of school, and I am spreading myself perhaps too thin. Tuesdays and Thursdays I have so much. I have classes and work until 5:45 at night and then I come back and usually go to the gym. Today that changed a little because I am now going to Brockport for a life group (and for those who don't know what that is, it's a small Bible study). So because of that, my Tuesdays are now filled, most Fridays will be filled and Monday nights I have another book study with a group of girls that my RD is hosting.
But I'm so excited for this semester! In book study with Celeste, we are reading a book called Boundaries and I cannot wait to get farther into it! Boundaries are something that so many people, including myself, have issues with. So many are not able to say no and are getting stretched so thin they get burned out. So where do we draw the line between Christianity with good deeds helping others to going overboard with it and letting people walk all over us because we don't have the ability to say no. So needless to say, I am very excited about learning to put physical and emotional boundaries in my life because I don't know how to say "no" when I need to.
So here is a warning for those who may read this, I may be posting more about this topic as the weeks go on. But for now, it is time for me to stop writing and go to bed. So goodnight world!
Finals week (for the two days I was here) went by really fast but not without some stumbling blocks. It's funny, it was only two days, but in those two days, I had to confront demons that I never thought I would have to face again. But I dealt with them thanks to a few amazing people in my life.
Once I got home and settled into a routine, time started to fly. Before I knew it, it was Christmas Eve and Natalie and I were singing in church and then we were waking up early and going to Courtney and Nate's for Christmas Day. I wasn't working so I had a ton of lazy time to do absolutely nothing. So that's what I did, nothing. New Year's Eve was spent in the same way it always is- games with the family but there was an addition this year. Nick came down for our annual game of Chicken Foot Dominoes and then we left to watch the ball drop at his house. It was weird...it was the first time I wasn't home for the ball to drop and I didn't have to go to bed as soon as it dropped. So that was the end of a great year and the beginning of a new one.
On New Year's Day I learned I wasn't as strong as I thought I was or wanted to be. We did our annual trip to see some of my relatives because, for the most part, they all live in the same area. But what I wasn't prepared for was what I saw on this trip. If anyone has ever watched someone's health slowly get worse, they'll know what I am talking about. I used to think that I would like to know when death is going to happen but now I'm not so sure. My entire view on death has changed and not just in a Biblical sense. I no longer wish to know when my death is going to come nor do I like seeing someone slowly die because of an illness. I would rather be shocked that it happened even though neither is a good option. I have learned that when I die, I want it to be quick. I don't care so much about how much pain I may be in, but for my loved ones, the less they see me deteriorate the better.
I'm hoping you're still with me.
After New Year's, I knew that the time was coming for me to go back to school or as I refer to it most often (sometimes on accident) home. So Nick went back to school and I followed his example a few days later. I was ready to get out and go back to being who I am, not who my parents wanted me to be.
I came to school and did the usual unpacking and cleaning (two days worth of junk) and then I started classes. I don't have classes Mondays so I spent the entire day bored because I had nowhere to go and nothing to do but watch television or movies. I learned that being back is both a blessing and a curse. But here, I can go to the church I want to go to without arguments and pleading and I can be more comfortable. So here I am, in the third week of school, and I am spreading myself perhaps too thin. Tuesdays and Thursdays I have so much. I have classes and work until 5:45 at night and then I come back and usually go to the gym. Today that changed a little because I am now going to Brockport for a life group (and for those who don't know what that is, it's a small Bible study). So because of that, my Tuesdays are now filled, most Fridays will be filled and Monday nights I have another book study with a group of girls that my RD is hosting.
But I'm so excited for this semester! In book study with Celeste, we are reading a book called Boundaries and I cannot wait to get farther into it! Boundaries are something that so many people, including myself, have issues with. So many are not able to say no and are getting stretched so thin they get burned out. So where do we draw the line between Christianity with good deeds helping others to going overboard with it and letting people walk all over us because we don't have the ability to say no. So needless to say, I am very excited about learning to put physical and emotional boundaries in my life because I don't know how to say "no" when I need to.
So here is a warning for those who may read this, I may be posting more about this topic as the weeks go on. But for now, it is time for me to stop writing and go to bed. So goodnight world!
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Thankfulness Part I
Thanksgiving is just a week and a few days away! My break starts in 8 days when my dad is coming to pick me up :) I cannot wait. there is so much that I can't wait to do when I get home. Starting with hugging my two favorite people
Anyway, back on track here...
I just wanted to write a really quick post saying how much I am thankful for my family and friends and to Nick for telling me bedtime stories when I can't sleep at night.
I am so incredibly thankful that I am able to be here today with a smile on my face because a few years ago, I almost wasn't. Now, I serve an awesome God who makes waking up everyday worth it.
But now, it's my bedtime. Goodnight world! I love you all :)
Anyway, back on track here...
I just wanted to write a really quick post saying how much I am thankful for my family and friends and to Nick for telling me bedtime stories when I can't sleep at night.
I am so incredibly thankful that I am able to be here today with a smile on my face because a few years ago, I almost wasn't. Now, I serve an awesome God who makes waking up everyday worth it.
But now, it's my bedtime. Goodnight world! I love you all :)
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
words
"I'm proud of you" "I just wanted to let you know that I'm praying for you."
It's amazing how little words and phrases like that can make your day. But words in general have the power to tear you apart.
Today I woke up, took a shower, and turned on my computer. I checked my school email and then Facebook like I do every morning. But this morning was different. I had a message from someone back home that made me smile. In fact, it brightened my entire day. At the end of the message this person said "i'm proud of you....just because i am...just for who you are!!" You might not think that words like that affect someone but it affected me deeply. I've never heard "I'm proud of you" before this past year. And coming from the person it came from, it meant a lot to me.
There is something I have learned about the power of words in the past nineteen years and it's this...
Words can affect someone even if you don't see it.
Words like,
"You're beautiful"
"I'm so proud of you"
"Love you"
are words that many people don't get to hear very often, if ever.
Instead they hear, "You're stupid" "worthless" "ugly" "you're embarrassing".
If people only knew what goes on inside of someone when they hear these words. Sure, they may be really good at hiding their true feelings but deep down, they aren't as strong as they would like to be. Eventually the wall they've built around their heart will start to crack and it will eventually crumble. They start to make fun of themselves and put themselves down because they don't see themselves as worthy. But the truth is, all they have heard are lies. And they are willing to believe these lies because the people they love and trust the most have said them. The greatest mystery to me is why do we let that happen? Are we afraid to stand up for someone in case it gets turned on us?
Maybe we should stop being afraid of what other will say about us or to us and instead stick up for those being hurt the most by their words.
It's amazing how little words and phrases like that can make your day. But words in general have the power to tear you apart.
Today I woke up, took a shower, and turned on my computer. I checked my school email and then Facebook like I do every morning. But this morning was different. I had a message from someone back home that made me smile. In fact, it brightened my entire day. At the end of the message this person said "i'm proud of you....just because i am...just for who you are!!" You might not think that words like that affect someone but it affected me deeply. I've never heard "I'm proud of you" before this past year. And coming from the person it came from, it meant a lot to me.
There is something I have learned about the power of words in the past nineteen years and it's this...
Words can affect someone even if you don't see it.
Words like,
"You're beautiful"
"I'm so proud of you"
"Love you"
are words that many people don't get to hear very often, if ever.
Instead they hear, "You're stupid" "worthless" "ugly" "you're embarrassing".
If people only knew what goes on inside of someone when they hear these words. Sure, they may be really good at hiding their true feelings but deep down, they aren't as strong as they would like to be. Eventually the wall they've built around their heart will start to crack and it will eventually crumble. They start to make fun of themselves and put themselves down because they don't see themselves as worthy. But the truth is, all they have heard are lies. And they are willing to believe these lies because the people they love and trust the most have said them. The greatest mystery to me is why do we let that happen? Are we afraid to stand up for someone in case it gets turned on us?
Maybe we should stop being afraid of what other will say about us or to us and instead stick up for those being hurt the most by their words.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Family
I am having an issue. And I know that in writing this I will be making a lot of my family angry but I need to say it and if it results in them not speaking to me either, then I apologize for saying what someone needs to say.
My family is acting like a bunch of 2 year olds. I have aunts and uncles fighting...SIBLINGS aren't speaking to each other, nieces and nephews getting jealous and angry at their aunts and uncles.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS! Why are we doing this? Why can't we all see that it is hurting everyone?! I may only be 19 years old, but if I can see this, why can't they?
We weren't put here on earth to hate each other. My family members have people looking up to them and yet they still do this. They are arguing and not speaking to each other and they are passing this along to children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews. Since when was this okay? I understand that families fight but normally, they make up, not drag it on and on. And I'm not taking sides with anyone I just can't talk to anyone about it in my family. I don't know whole stories but from what I have seen, it's not worth fighting over for this long.
1 Timothy 3:4-5 says "4- He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. 5-(If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?)..."
and 1 Timothy 5:8 says "If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."
I won't go into what my thoughts on these passages are or how they relate to what I am writing about because I think it's pretty obvious what I think. What's not obvious is why we all do this. And I know it's not just my family that does this, but it's where I have seen it the most recently. And for those of you who may read this, please, I beg of you, don't do this to your families. Don't let them remain broken. It hurts everyone, especially those people who want to see their family members at weddings, graduations, reunions, and random parties- and not just some of them- all of them.
This is a challenge to each generation. Don't follow in the footsteps of the previous generations. Show love and not hate.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Looking Ahead
I just got done reading the book Rooms by James L. Rubart and this book taught me a few lessons (even if it's not a true story). In many ways this book reminds me of The Shack but The Shack focuses mainly on forgiveness and the image of God.
In this book a very successful young man owns his own software company. He gets a letter from his Great-Uncle saying that he left him a house in an area that this young man has tried to forget about. Well the thing about this house that this young man eventually figures out is that the rooms in this house change. Every time there is a new lesson to be learned, there is a new room that pops up somewhere in the house. One of these rooms is completely black and there is a voice in it. The voice tells the young man that it is himself, the other side of the brain. So the young man trusts it. In the end, this voice ended up being a demon trying to confuse and lead this man down the wrong path.
This made me wonder...what voices are we listening to? Are we listening to voices that come from God or Satan? That one voice that you instantly trust, who is it? Are you listening to it based on the Bible and it's teachings or are you just believing and trusting of it?
A professor of mine once told me to question everything. Don't just take what you hear and believe it- question it and make your own decision about whatever it is.
A professor of mine once told me to question everything. Don't just take what you hear and believe it- question it and make your own decision about whatever it is.
Friday, September 3, 2010
A new school year
Since my last post, many new things have happened and I have learned more about myself that I could imagine. I have learned how fragile relationships are for starters. When I started this summer off, I never expected to be where I am now. I never would have thought that I would be dating or that I would lose one of my greatest and dearest friends in some capacity.
My summer has been filled with work, many happy moments, and a few sad ones thrown in there too. But isn't that how life works? Always throwing a curve-ball or forcing you to drop on that roller coaster ride...causing your heart to feel like it's about to explode out of your body. My first experience with that was with a family member that I hold very close in my heart. The second was with my oldest friends. But I have learned something from all of this. You have to take those curve-balls and scary moments and just deal with them. You can't listen to what other people say, you have to make your own decisions about your life and the people in it. That's been the hardest thing for me...making my own decisions. Will I date? Will I go back to school? What am I going to do when the worst happens? Will I be strong enough for it all when it all seems to come crashing down upon me? But I started thinking...why do I have to rely solely on myself? Why haven't I been looking for the people God has put in my life? Why have I not been leaning on the One who saved my life? Here's the answer.
I have been too caught up in the world around me and what others think, that I haven't had time to listen to the people that God has placed in my life.
It became so easy and commonplace for me to ignore Him and do what I want to do and I wasn't being held responsible for my actions. When i was being held responsible, I would push away and grow angry and not listen to the people I respect the most. the hardest part was living with my family over the summer. After a school year of holding myself responsible, I started to despise the rules I had to go back home to. I didn't want a curfew because I didn't think it was fair (and I broke it many times hanging out with friends), I would leave as soon as mom or dad were supposed to be home because I didn't want to hear their lectures, etc. I pushed away my family even farther than I thought I ever would or thought possible. I broke personal boundaries that I had set for myself and I regret some of it more than anyone will ever know. But I came out of this summer closer with Natalie who I miss so much and closer with God. My lessons have been learned (even if I did it the hard way :p )
I'm very excited about this school year. I have good classes with good teachers who love what they do :)
My summer has been filled with work, many happy moments, and a few sad ones thrown in there too. But isn't that how life works? Always throwing a curve-ball or forcing you to drop on that roller coaster ride...causing your heart to feel like it's about to explode out of your body. My first experience with that was with a family member that I hold very close in my heart. The second was with my oldest friends. But I have learned something from all of this. You have to take those curve-balls and scary moments and just deal with them. You can't listen to what other people say, you have to make your own decisions about your life and the people in it. That's been the hardest thing for me...making my own decisions. Will I date? Will I go back to school? What am I going to do when the worst happens? Will I be strong enough for it all when it all seems to come crashing down upon me? But I started thinking...why do I have to rely solely on myself? Why haven't I been looking for the people God has put in my life? Why have I not been leaning on the One who saved my life? Here's the answer.
I have been too caught up in the world around me and what others think, that I haven't had time to listen to the people that God has placed in my life.
It became so easy and commonplace for me to ignore Him and do what I want to do and I wasn't being held responsible for my actions. When i was being held responsible, I would push away and grow angry and not listen to the people I respect the most. the hardest part was living with my family over the summer. After a school year of holding myself responsible, I started to despise the rules I had to go back home to. I didn't want a curfew because I didn't think it was fair (and I broke it many times hanging out with friends), I would leave as soon as mom or dad were supposed to be home because I didn't want to hear their lectures, etc. I pushed away my family even farther than I thought I ever would or thought possible. I broke personal boundaries that I had set for myself and I regret some of it more than anyone will ever know. But I came out of this summer closer with Natalie who I miss so much and closer with God. My lessons have been learned (even if I did it the hard way :p )
I'm very excited about this school year. I have good classes with good teachers who love what they do :)
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