A visual reminder for me

I was standing in church a few days ago and the pastor was inviting people in and talking about what worship means (I could be wrong- I honestly wasn't paying attention at that moment).  


I looked at the people in front of me.  It was this man and his two young children (boy and girl), and their large spiderman doll.  Emelie and I were standing there saying how cute the kids were and admiring the doll. The children were doing what kids usually do in church- the "let me find something to keep me busy because I'm so bored" act.  


At some point during worship, I happened to look down again. And the father of these children had his hand outstretched toward his daughter.  She looked at his hand for a second, and then ran to it and put her face in her father's hand.  


I was dumbfounded.  My only thoughts at that moment were "Wow, what a great visual!  Here is this father, stretching out his hand for his daughter.  Much like God does for us."


God has his hands outstretched toward us, waiting for us to come to Him.  And in turn we are timid and afraid to run and hold His hand.  But He stays there, willing us to draw closer to Him...waiting for us to stretch out our hands and grasp His.  His hands are the safest place that we can be.  They hold us through trials and rejoice with us in our triumphs.  


So what holds us back from stretching out our own hands?  Is it fear that we will be let go?  Is it anger or bitterness?  


Fear that God will let us go used to be the reason why I didn't run to Him.  Today, I look back and wonder what would have happened if I hadn't let go of that fear and trusted God to take care of me.  Would I still be here, able to write this blog?  Anger and bitterness fed into that fear for me. I had been let down and disappointed my entire life.  I had never known unconditional love.  And I had never learned true forgiveness. So for me, all three of those things: fear, anger, and bitterness became this brick wall that I had to learn to knock down in order to run to God.  


But once I knocked that wall down, my life became something that can be used for greater things.  Not just in the future, but NOW.


So what is preventing you from running to God?  Is it fear or anger? Is it that you've never heard anything like this before?  Or is it that you've never even realized that there was Someone out there willing to forgive, love, and cherish you?  


I pray that whatever it is, that you would find Him and realize that His hands will always be reaching for you, you just have to reach out too.  He has great things planned for your life that you can't even begin to imagine.

Death, Where is your Sting?

David Bowden is someone that I quite frequently listen to.  He speaks the Truth in a way that is so powerful.  This is one of my favorites of his.  It speaks of...well watch it and find out :)

"And I saw him Death, with his mighty sting, Exhaling in every breath the plight he brings. To the grave he gave victory Triumphing over life with the fear of endless sleep. Endlessly we hide from our mortality. Mortally wounded from birth  We lie to ourselves from infancy, In nitely investing time in a life that will Inevitably be taken by this Incredible creature that stands before me: Death He manifests himself on ordinary days His 6 foot stomach growls with hunger pangs. For his meal, he cannot wait. So we are forced to taste him even before the grave We are all dying, there’s no other way I see him in Haitian and Japanese earthquakes. He’s Hating the Escapees of his cruel wakes. I see him in poverty impoverishing the quality of life for regions that are reachable, and in those with the reach who nd reason not to reach out to treat what is treatable. I see him in disease taking life out of uninfected yet affected families. I see him in oppression, pressing down on the oppressed and the oppressor. I see him in depression, in Prozac and pain pills, in razor blades and bed-side wills. I see him in abuse: physical, mental, emotional misuse I see him in spiritual confusion, material obsession, physical possessions. I see him in marital transgressions, childhood remorse from an ugly divorce. I see him in our slavery to appearances, appearing to care more about our images than those in dying villages. I see him in our ignorance, ignoring truth for some comfortable inference. I see his emergence in our churches as we pull out emergency verses as deterrents to religious differences, going on the defensive, defending our way of worship, making community worthless. Death is killing us before we even enter the surface of the earth. We are in the service of his words, “It is finished” the end of birth. We cannot hide from his wretched curse For death and his grave we constantly rehearse Even God himself was coerced. Divinity immersed itself in humanity Humbly taking on fl esh, scorning vanity. The world saw his way of life as insanity. Insisting he cease speaking of his radical Christianity. But Man found him guilty, accusing God of blasphemy. Performing the ultimate usurpation by slaying Christ on Calvary But through their cowardly cross, Jesus embossed mankind with amnesty Championing over death with the beauty of his fatal injury. And I know, Many still doubt, and rightfully so, bringing up this inquiry? What does that poor Jewish man dying on a Roman tree 2,000 years ago have to do with me? I reply simply: Christ came and died to marry his bride to be, And though Death could kill the groom, it could not kill the ring. God made us one with Christ and life in matrimony’s cling. Now, the undying church, his ever-living wife can sing. Oh Death, where is your sting? Oh Grave, where is your victory? For we have risen above your misery! We will not succumb to your finality! We have overcome your infamous mystery! In the in nite reign of Christ’s ministry! For we are the resurrection The insurrection of fatality! We are the risen deity, the intersection of a dead yet living body! We live through imperfections, for we died to become holy! We cannot be contained by the mouth of the grave We are the willing slaves to the one who rose from the garden cave We have passed through death to new birth We gave the grave to the earth And we claim today the cross’ worth The body of his rising We are the risen church."

Running a Race

As some of you may know, I recently took up running (okay, right now it looks more like walking mixed with jogging, but I'm getting there) with the goal of first completing a 5K, and then going into the police academy.  Because of my knees, I have to take it slowly to make sure that I don't make them worse (think of the ligaments in your knees tearing apart sideways- that's what it feels like most days for me to just walk).

I battle with myself every time I step on to the track.

"How far can I push it today?"

"Do I want to keep risking it?"

These questions I keep asking myself aren't positive ones.  I often wonder why I'm doing this- running and wanting to go into the academy.  And I start to think; am I that willing to give up on my dream?  

The answer that I tell everybody is "no, I'll keep pushing through this."  What I keep saying to myself is "am I going to make it? What if God's plans for me change? Then what? Will it all be worth it?"  I find myself not trusting in God both for healing and to bring me to the next step in my training.

But an old verse came back to me this morning:

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize."  -1 Corinthians 9:24

I haven't been running this race mentally in a way to get the prize.  Sure, I complete all the workouts, but mentally I keep telling myself I might not make the next one. But there are others who are way more dedicated to running than I am. They train every spare second that they have- mentally and physically.  Some of my friends are training for a half-marathon or marathon.

It's the same way in the true Race.  That verse continues on to say,

"Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." -1 Corinthians 9:25-27

To be able to run a race, one must train. And train hard.  They have to be dedicated and have a strong will to finish.

So are you running like a man beating the air around you? Floundering to grasp what you know is yours? Do you run to get a shiny medal or a trophy?

Or do you train and run for God in the race of life?  Are you willing to discipline your body and mind for Him? To share the Good News to those around you requires training.

So, are you willing to train yourself for THE Race?  Are you willing to trust that God has a plan for you and your life that you can't even begin to imagine?  Don't get discouraged that there are others around you that seem to have it all together or that they have had more practice than you in such matters.  Because 1) I don't know a single person who has it all together and 2) everyone has their own pace. Just stick to it and see the amazing places it will take you.

I encourage you to join me on this journey. It requires a lot of training and is not for those who easily give up. But it is worth it.

I dare you to move

"I dare you to move"


I'm sitting here watching one of the biggest chick flicks of all time. You ready for it? A Walk to Remember. Yeah. You're talking about the girl who prefers superhero movies or movies with tons of action in them to chick flicks.  But something about the movie tonight made me stop on abcfamily and start watching it. 


So anyway. It gets to this part where Landon is driving to his dad's house after hearing about Jamie's cancer.  "I Dare You to Move" by Switchfoot started playing. Something about those words...


"I dare you to move" 


It made me stop for a second.  Here is this boy driving to his dad's house seeking help to make her better, healthier.  But keep in mind that earlier in the movie, he wanted nothing to do with his dad.  So the fact that he is trying to reach out to him and intercede for Jamie and her health speaks volumes.


It reminds me of the way the Holy Spirit intercedes for us.  Not many humans would do what God did for us.    I mean, He did send His Son to die for us here on Earth!  That speaks volumes of who God is and just how much He loves us.


So even though Landon is this amazing boyfriend who helped Jamie complete most of her Bucket List and stayed by her side through everything, there is Someone even more amazing out there.  He is there healing broken relationships, holding us through our hurts, and restoring us. He is someone you can count on, no matter what, to never leave your side.  Just as Landon never left Jamie's side, God does that on a MUCH larger scale because He is immortal and perfect.  


So next time you are looking for something or someone to fill the void in your life, remember who is perfect and who will never leave you.

Found my new year's resolution

Classes ended about two weeks ago- which means this is the last week of break.  And it's going out with a bang.  I got to spend tonight with some very dear friends and it was so needed.

This break has taught me a lot. Like I won't be going back to see my parents anymore.  I want to say that I will always be grateful for what my parents have done, but I will finally be free from them holding these things over my head.

  I was talking to a co-worker about my decision and she told me that sometimes you have to leave a place behind you for your own safety or heath.  And I've been thinking about that all day.  When I think of Horseheads, all I can think about is the bad because it far outweighs everything else.  The situations that I found myself in as a teenager- both willingly and unwillingly, sent me into a spiral of depression.  One that I didn't feel I could get out of- I felt trapped. A lot of that trapped feeling was because I knew I couldn't go to my parents about it and I didn't know my Savior.

I was talking tonight with someone who has had a huge positive impact in my life and who has been through a similar situation, and she made some very good points.  Like that I need to start setting boundaries with my family.  No more childish phone calls where my mom makes my sister ask me what she (my mom) wants to know.  No more treating me like I'm not an adult and no more screening my calls to make sure that it's only my little sister calling me because I don't want to go through the stress of talking to my parents.  

The only issue is that I have to talk to my parents to tell them this.

And that scares me.

So I decided tonight that since I didn't have a new year's resolution, this would be it.  I only ask that those of you who know me, hold me accountable for setting these boundaries with my parents.  And I ask for your prayers as I do so.

Maybe someday God will give me the ability to trust and love them like most daughters love and trust their parents.  And maybe someday, they'll see me as the person that I am, not the person that I was.

as strange feeling and a realization of true family.

When I went off to college, I wasn't one to look back or get homesick. I started making my own decisions (good and bad) and lived with the results of those decisions.  It landed me in a position where I didn't know if I could continue going to the school I was going to.  But by the grace of God and thanks to some pretty amazing family members, I was able to stay in an area that I fell in love with.  Yes, I was unsure of where I was headed for a while, and I had to get used to a new house with new rules in addition to the adjustment of commuting.

But I did it.

I made life-long friends, found an AMAZING church, and I live with my Aunt, Uncle, and cousin- whom I love dearly.  But I do miss my little sister and boyfriend so I took a week off of work and came to Horseheads for a visit.  And all was good. Until today, one of those days where everyone does nothing but fight over the dumbest things you could possibly think of.  And it's then that I find myself homesick for my life in Rochester- where I live in a place that I have never doubted I belong.  And it's such a strange feeling for me.

But at the same time, I found myself so thankful for the people here who have shown love.  The people who come to pick me up and let me hang out at their house until I'm okay to go back because they know what things are really like. The families that since I was in elementary school, have opened their doors when I needed it the most- they are the reason I come back to visit.

And I thank God for them every time I see them, talk to them, or when someone talks about family. Because to me, that's what a family is.  They don't have to be biological, and they don't care if they are or not- they act like themselves around you, and they don't hide their true emotions.  And it took me feeling a little homesick and upset to realize that I do actually have a "family" here.  So when someone asks me why I WOULD come back to this town, it's because of my true family.  And even with a million reasons to stay in the city and never come back, I would visit just so I could see these people.

An experience and a sentence I will never forget

Yesterday was the social work program's yearly trip to the Salvation Army.  During this week, there are no social work classes (something I will miss now that I'm out of the program) and everyone signs up for a different day to go to the Salvation Army and help set people up for Christmas Assistance.  

And every year, I learn something new or something someone says sticks with me.

This year, it was when someone I was interviewing me was telling me about her family.  After calculating incomes all day and seeing all the negative numbers that people have at the end of each month, my heart breaks.  It's so sobering to see how many people live with negative incomes and live day to day, hoping that they will have enough food to feed their families for that day.  

But in the midst of all of these sad stories, I had this one person in particular that said something to me.  They were telling me about their three children.  All of these children went on to colleges like UofR, RIT, and Brockport.  And these children became engineers, nurses, and followed other fantastic careers.  And this person looked at me and said "You see, being poor doesn't have to hold you back.  If you fight hard enough, you can succeed in anything."  

And all I could think about was wow. What a bunch of college kids who pay $35,000 a year to go to school, can learn from a field trip.  We talked about the poor in Cru last week and someone said "the poor touch our lives more than we can touch theirs." And how true that statement is!  

We are so lucky.  We can afford colleges that most can't, we have cars and money to buy food.  

But how often do we stop and think about those that don't?

I know that I can take for granted how much I have.  And how lucky I am.  I have parents that still get my car fixed for me and pay my insurance, an Aunt and Uncle who let me stay with them rent-free when I didn't have anywhere else to go.  I have a little sister that I can afford to take out and spend time with.  And I have jobs with great bosses.  And it still took me twenty and a half years to realize how lucky I am that I don't have to worry about where my next meal is going to come from or how I will get to work. 

So I pray that no matter what your situation is, that you realize how lucky you are that you have everything that you do.  Whether it's parents that love you so much you feel like you're being smothered, or whether it's a job or food.  You are so incredibly blessed. And I hope you can see that and remember those that have almost nothing.