Just Stop

I've noticed recently that I don't stop long enough to enjoy the things around me.  Within the past two weeks, so much has been happening but I don't slow down long enough to appreciate any of it.

When it snows, I'm too preoccupied with how I'll get to school instead of stopping to see how beautiful the snow on the trees was.

When we took my little sister prom dress shopping, it hit me for the first time how much she has grown up. I mean, for Pete's sake, she's a junior in high school!  When did that happen?!

Looking back on all of this, I realized I've missed so much in life!  It makes me wonder, how much in the past 20 years have I missed?  I haven't said to myself "just stop." My daily routine consists of mostly work and school. And I have four hours every night to do homework or pick up my room.  This leaves no time for anything else.  I don't get out anymore to take pictures, I haven't picked up my guitar in so long I wonder if I'll ever be able to pick it back up, I haven't met my new nephew yet, and I barely see the man I love.

The things I love most in life, I have missed out on.  It's almost been a month, and I haven't had the time to drive two hours to see my new nephew, and I have to miss his baptism and my niece's birthday.  If I don't have time to see the people I love most in life, what am I doing?!  What else am I missing out on?  Will my nephew ever know that I didn't go see him in his first few months of life?  I'll miss all of his firsts.  My niece is growing up before my eyes- every time I see her she gets bigger and bigger.

So before you end up as the person who misses out on their family and what life could hold, just stop. Stop and look around before you see yourself becoming the person who doesn't remember what real fun is.

Into the wild...

While driving to pick up a friend this afternoon from downtown Rochester I had time to think...more than usual.  I thought about the recent introduction I allowed for my parents to have with my amazing boyfriend of now 3 months and some change :]  But after all of that I felt as though in the end I had even let my own family in to close.  There judgements and moments of intervention for the rest of the time I was home on break was personally overwhelming.  It seemed as though they couldn't conceptualize the decision I was making, and that I was truly happy. But on this particular drive today I thought of this,  I was beginning to discover something new...I was going into my own wild and nobody else will be able to experience that except for me.

Now don't get me wrong I revere the words of the wise but there comes a time when they are simply that, just words.  Don't worry I will never be so in love that I will forsake all that I know or have been guided in, but there does come a time when I must grow and see beyond what others see into something greater.  Who really knows the plans that God has for us?  How can they possibly recognize the vastness of it in such short amounts of time, even when you can't?  These are simply questions that I thought about and meditated on.  I allowed for my thoughts to reach those murky muddled grounds that they seldom go.  And although sometimes it may seem full of brush and prickly annoying things we must go there in order to discover who we really are.  

In the end I think going into the wild doesn't mean you lose all capability to comprehend right from wrong it just means you are willing to take risk at a greater and wiser aptitude. So now it seems that I will be going into my own wild, whether any one or everyone understands it doesnt matter.  I have a greater power with me, stronger than the authority of kings and queens and bigger than the entire universe.  With time we will all see, and for me I think I'm ready to take an adventure like never before.

One Heck of a Night

I haven't written in a while because I felt uninspired, and unmoved.  I felt like I didn't have an outlet to put every thing God gave me in to.  

It's like filling up a car with gas.  Unless you drive your car and burn that gas up, you can't fill it up anymore.

That's what I've felt like for a while.  After the One Thing conference at The Father's House (which was AMAZING, by the way), I went to church.  As I was standing there during worship, I realized that I didn't have any more room to put the Spirit.  I was already full and hadn't used any of my "gas."  

My best friend and fellow Cru-leader and I met with our mentor today.  As I was telling her this, she said, "You should find a place to spend some of your 'gas' and maybe Cru could be where you could spend some of what you're being filled with."  And tonight I realized just how on spot she was with that remark.  

Tonight Robert's Cru met up with U of R's Cru.  And it was really awesome.  I was so far outside my comfort zone. I was in a group where I knew no one.  But we were all connected in our faith.  In my group, we all shared where we were uncomfortable with the future.  For me, it's working with inner city teens and being a cop. I have no idea how I'm going to do it, I only know that God is faithful and will bring me to it and through it (sounds cliche, but I'm totally serious).  

But it didn't just end with UofR.  On the way back we were all in the van joking and laughing and talking. I don't know how we got on this topic, but our third leader asked one of the guys in the group to share his testimony sometime, so in our last 5-10 minutes, we heard this man's testimony.  

I don't have words.

This man has seriously done and been through SO MUCH. 

And I learned tonight, for the first time, how absolutely powerful a testimony can be.

Everything that this man went through, everything that he did, everything that happened to him not of his own fault, and God's grace makes his story so incredible.  

It gave me hope.  

To hear that twenty-three year old's testimony- well, something that powerful changes your life.  And it reminded me of why I got involved in this in the first place.  It's because people don't know how GREAT God's love is.  They don't know that they can be forgiven and washed clean.  They don't understand that someone already died so they don't have to.  

So my prayer and challenge tonight for all of you reading, is to reach those who are apathetic and un-churched. Reach those who don't know who God is and show them how great His love is.  Tell your story, and don't be ashamed, because you've been washed clean.

A visual reminder for me

I was standing in church a few days ago and the pastor was inviting people in and talking about what worship means (I could be wrong- I honestly wasn't paying attention at that moment).  


I looked at the people in front of me.  It was this man and his two young children (boy and girl), and their large spiderman doll.  Emelie and I were standing there saying how cute the kids were and admiring the doll. The children were doing what kids usually do in church- the "let me find something to keep me busy because I'm so bored" act.  


At some point during worship, I happened to look down again. And the father of these children had his hand outstretched toward his daughter.  She looked at his hand for a second, and then ran to it and put her face in her father's hand.  


I was dumbfounded.  My only thoughts at that moment were "Wow, what a great visual!  Here is this father, stretching out his hand for his daughter.  Much like God does for us."


God has his hands outstretched toward us, waiting for us to come to Him.  And in turn we are timid and afraid to run and hold His hand.  But He stays there, willing us to draw closer to Him...waiting for us to stretch out our hands and grasp His.  His hands are the safest place that we can be.  They hold us through trials and rejoice with us in our triumphs.  


So what holds us back from stretching out our own hands?  Is it fear that we will be let go?  Is it anger or bitterness?  


Fear that God will let us go used to be the reason why I didn't run to Him.  Today, I look back and wonder what would have happened if I hadn't let go of that fear and trusted God to take care of me.  Would I still be here, able to write this blog?  Anger and bitterness fed into that fear for me. I had been let down and disappointed my entire life.  I had never known unconditional love.  And I had never learned true forgiveness. So for me, all three of those things: fear, anger, and bitterness became this brick wall that I had to learn to knock down in order to run to God.  


But once I knocked that wall down, my life became something that can be used for greater things.  Not just in the future, but NOW.


So what is preventing you from running to God?  Is it fear or anger? Is it that you've never heard anything like this before?  Or is it that you've never even realized that there was Someone out there willing to forgive, love, and cherish you?  


I pray that whatever it is, that you would find Him and realize that His hands will always be reaching for you, you just have to reach out too.  He has great things planned for your life that you can't even begin to imagine.

Death, Where is your Sting?

David Bowden is someone that I quite frequently listen to.  He speaks the Truth in a way that is so powerful.  This is one of my favorites of his.  It speaks of...well watch it and find out :)

"And I saw him Death, with his mighty sting, Exhaling in every breath the plight he brings. To the grave he gave victory Triumphing over life with the fear of endless sleep. Endlessly we hide from our mortality. Mortally wounded from birth  We lie to ourselves from infancy, In nitely investing time in a life that will Inevitably be taken by this Incredible creature that stands before me: Death He manifests himself on ordinary days His 6 foot stomach growls with hunger pangs. For his meal, he cannot wait. So we are forced to taste him even before the grave We are all dying, there’s no other way I see him in Haitian and Japanese earthquakes. He’s Hating the Escapees of his cruel wakes. I see him in poverty impoverishing the quality of life for regions that are reachable, and in those with the reach who nd reason not to reach out to treat what is treatable. I see him in disease taking life out of uninfected yet affected families. I see him in oppression, pressing down on the oppressed and the oppressor. I see him in depression, in Prozac and pain pills, in razor blades and bed-side wills. I see him in abuse: physical, mental, emotional misuse I see him in spiritual confusion, material obsession, physical possessions. I see him in marital transgressions, childhood remorse from an ugly divorce. I see him in our slavery to appearances, appearing to care more about our images than those in dying villages. I see him in our ignorance, ignoring truth for some comfortable inference. I see his emergence in our churches as we pull out emergency verses as deterrents to religious differences, going on the defensive, defending our way of worship, making community worthless. Death is killing us before we even enter the surface of the earth. We are in the service of his words, “It is finished” the end of birth. We cannot hide from his wretched curse For death and his grave we constantly rehearse Even God himself was coerced. Divinity immersed itself in humanity Humbly taking on fl esh, scorning vanity. The world saw his way of life as insanity. Insisting he cease speaking of his radical Christianity. But Man found him guilty, accusing God of blasphemy. Performing the ultimate usurpation by slaying Christ on Calvary But through their cowardly cross, Jesus embossed mankind with amnesty Championing over death with the beauty of his fatal injury. And I know, Many still doubt, and rightfully so, bringing up this inquiry? What does that poor Jewish man dying on a Roman tree 2,000 years ago have to do with me? I reply simply: Christ came and died to marry his bride to be, And though Death could kill the groom, it could not kill the ring. God made us one with Christ and life in matrimony’s cling. Now, the undying church, his ever-living wife can sing. Oh Death, where is your sting? Oh Grave, where is your victory? For we have risen above your misery! We will not succumb to your finality! We have overcome your infamous mystery! In the in nite reign of Christ’s ministry! For we are the resurrection The insurrection of fatality! We are the risen deity, the intersection of a dead yet living body! We live through imperfections, for we died to become holy! We cannot be contained by the mouth of the grave We are the willing slaves to the one who rose from the garden cave We have passed through death to new birth We gave the grave to the earth And we claim today the cross’ worth The body of his rising We are the risen church."

Running a Race

As some of you may know, I recently took up running (okay, right now it looks more like walking mixed with jogging, but I'm getting there) with the goal of first completing a 5K, and then going into the police academy.  Because of my knees, I have to take it slowly to make sure that I don't make them worse (think of the ligaments in your knees tearing apart sideways- that's what it feels like most days for me to just walk).

I battle with myself every time I step on to the track.

"How far can I push it today?"

"Do I want to keep risking it?"

These questions I keep asking myself aren't positive ones.  I often wonder why I'm doing this- running and wanting to go into the academy.  And I start to think; am I that willing to give up on my dream?  

The answer that I tell everybody is "no, I'll keep pushing through this."  What I keep saying to myself is "am I going to make it? What if God's plans for me change? Then what? Will it all be worth it?"  I find myself not trusting in God both for healing and to bring me to the next step in my training.

But an old verse came back to me this morning:

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize."  -1 Corinthians 9:24

I haven't been running this race mentally in a way to get the prize.  Sure, I complete all the workouts, but mentally I keep telling myself I might not make the next one. But there are others who are way more dedicated to running than I am. They train every spare second that they have- mentally and physically.  Some of my friends are training for a half-marathon or marathon.

It's the same way in the true Race.  That verse continues on to say,

"Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." -1 Corinthians 9:25-27

To be able to run a race, one must train. And train hard.  They have to be dedicated and have a strong will to finish.

So are you running like a man beating the air around you? Floundering to grasp what you know is yours? Do you run to get a shiny medal or a trophy?

Or do you train and run for God in the race of life?  Are you willing to discipline your body and mind for Him? To share the Good News to those around you requires training.

So, are you willing to train yourself for THE Race?  Are you willing to trust that God has a plan for you and your life that you can't even begin to imagine?  Don't get discouraged that there are others around you that seem to have it all together or that they have had more practice than you in such matters.  Because 1) I don't know a single person who has it all together and 2) everyone has their own pace. Just stick to it and see the amazing places it will take you.

I encourage you to join me on this journey. It requires a lot of training and is not for those who easily give up. But it is worth it.

I dare you to move

"I dare you to move"


I'm sitting here watching one of the biggest chick flicks of all time. You ready for it? A Walk to Remember. Yeah. You're talking about the girl who prefers superhero movies or movies with tons of action in them to chick flicks.  But something about the movie tonight made me stop on abcfamily and start watching it. 


So anyway. It gets to this part where Landon is driving to his dad's house after hearing about Jamie's cancer.  "I Dare You to Move" by Switchfoot started playing. Something about those words...


"I dare you to move" 


It made me stop for a second.  Here is this boy driving to his dad's house seeking help to make her better, healthier.  But keep in mind that earlier in the movie, he wanted nothing to do with his dad.  So the fact that he is trying to reach out to him and intercede for Jamie and her health speaks volumes.


It reminds me of the way the Holy Spirit intercedes for us.  Not many humans would do what God did for us.    I mean, He did send His Son to die for us here on Earth!  That speaks volumes of who God is and just how much He loves us.


So even though Landon is this amazing boyfriend who helped Jamie complete most of her Bucket List and stayed by her side through everything, there is Someone even more amazing out there.  He is there healing broken relationships, holding us through our hurts, and restoring us. He is someone you can count on, no matter what, to never leave your side.  Just as Landon never left Jamie's side, God does that on a MUCH larger scale because He is immortal and perfect.  


So next time you are looking for something or someone to fill the void in your life, remember who is perfect and who will never leave you.