2/10/10

I'm sorry that it's been so long since I've posted anything. Toby mentioned something about it a while ago and I forgot about it until tonight. So here goes...it will probably be a mess of my thoughts so it won't make much sense from one thing to another.

Good news! I am getting baptized on May 16th!! I am so excited that I finally have the chance to take this next step in my faith.

I have learned something in the process of picking this date: Family is the people that you surround yourself with. They'll laugh with you, cry with you, and always be there. They stand behind you 100% - no questions asked. They won't yell at you for what you believe or judge you. I've learned something else too. The people that you grew up believing that they loved you, well, they're going to dissapoint you and hurt you in the worst ways possible. It's then that you realize that you never mattered to them in the way that you are supposed to matter to someone.

In the past 3 years, I've had to look at the people around me and wonder if they love me unconditionally or if they just want something from me. The hardest thing in the world for me was to let go of all of my old friends and make new ones. Today, I had to do that all over again. And I found out that people are not who they always seem. Some are genuine, some just want you for what you can offer, some just don't care, and some pretend to care but don't.

I've also discovered that I am very posessive of my things. I don't like it when people leave their stuff on mine, or touch my stuff, or use my stuff. But I am also the kind of person that won't say if something is bothering me. I hold it in until I am simmering and then I explode. I know this is not healthy but I also know that I am working on it...I just hate confrontation.

I hold it all in and let it build
until I'm breaking into
a million pieces.
Unable to pick up those pieces,
I turn to You, the One who can save me
who can put me back into one whole.
Take these pieces of mine,
take them and make them something new.
New and beautiful, more like You everyday.
I'll never be perfect, but I can rest
in the knowledge of Your love and peace.
It's You that saves.
You that takes the old, broken, and ugly and makes it
new, beautiful, and You smooth out the rough edges.
Thank You, Thank You, Thank You.