Facing my old Giants

Yesterday was one of those days that I really needed.  I met with one of the youth leaders at BFW and we went out for ice cream (a must) and then we went walking at Sperr Park.  I had a situation that I wasn't sure about and I wanted some feedback.  Well I got the feedback plus more :) Everything that she said to me, I needed to hear.  It's like God told her what was going on with me and He just gave her the words for me. 

I had been unsure of things in my life like where I fit in and how I can be the light that I have to be without the fear of rejection.  I've grown up knowing so much rejection that most of the time, I am afraid to feel it again.  I thought that I had it all figured out, where I fit in, what I was going to do with my life, everything.  Then I came home for the summer.  My best friends aren't here to reassure me or to lovingly tell me that I'm an idiot :p  I had to come home and face my old rejections one more time which was one of the scariest things ever.  I had found my spring in Rochester and I came home and ended back up in my old winter.  And while it's a familiar season and everything, I miss the spring.  

I wouldn't give up this summer for anything because I have learned so much and I'm still growing but I wish it didn't always hurt so much.  I haven't had the perfect happy family that most people get to have and sometimes I wish I did.  But honestly, I don't know what I would do without my balloons that I keep holding on to.  If I had grown up knowing what love was supposed to be like- the unselfish I will do anything for you love, I would probably not have learned the lessons that I have learned. If it hadn't been for the hurts I wouldn't be at the place I am now. I wouldn't want to learn and grow and ask questions.  

So until this summer ends, I will be facing my old giants but this time I know that I have people surrounding me who won't let me be defeated and I have a God who is greater than anything that the world throws at me.  :)

Forgiveness

I have been hearing a lot about forgiveness lately and I have had to stop and think for a minute.  Why is it soooo hard to forgive someone?  Well, for starters, it's because you want them to hurt as much as you are hurting.  Maybe that's why it is SO huge that God forgives us.  Every time we do something against His will, we are hurting Him but all He does is forgive us.  So why can't we show others that kind of forgiveness?  Alex said in a sermon the other day "when you don't forgive someone, you are holding them back from any kind of relationship with God.  You are also holding yourself back from a relationship with Him."  This really stuck with me because there were people that I wasn't willing to forgive.  Those who had hurt me only minutes ago and those who had hurt me years ago I was so unwilling to forgive- even for the littlest offenses.  But what Alex said has stuck with me and i keep hearing it over and over from other people too so I think maybe I should pay attention to it now.  I was forgiven and saved by a power greater than me and I have been able to forgive myself.  I can move on with my life because the greatest Power I know forgave me and made me feel worthy.  So now it's time to show others that same love and forgiveness.