Just Me.

Last weekend, I moved off campus to my Aunt and Uncle's in Churchville.  I was so excited. 

My boyfriend came up and helped me move, and while it was extremely stressful, I was still super excited to be living off-campus and to be able to afford college. 

I had my last week of work and learning to commute...and that leads to today. You see, most of my friends moved onto campus today, and the rest are coming tomorrow. And it wasn't until they all started moving in that I realized I wouldn't be able to walk across campus or next door to see them. 

This is an extremely hard realization for me. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE living in Churchville with my family, but I also had to leave the first place that I felt at home in 20 years. I can honestly say that I think I understand why people don't like moving. And I now understand why my mood was so bad while moving. Because every other time I've moved, I was stressed but was okay. Not this time.  

So today, I had a rough day. No lessons, no convictions. Just a girl who misses being able to walk to the room next door to see her best friend. And I know with time it will get easier, but at the moment I have to learn to be okay with just being okay. 

"But You, O Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, and the One who lifts my head high" -Ps 3:3

A lesson learned in trust

Here's a recap on my past few weeks.

I tried to get a $17000 loan.  The problem? It got denied.

So, I had to think of someway to cover that amount of money in three weeks. Then my Aunt and Uncle offered me a place to stay. And then another offer came in for me to babysit in exchange for a place to stay.

In one week, God answered a prayer I didn't think could be answered.

The only problem with this was getting my parents to agree to this plan. So they came up Sunday (two days ago) and we "took care of business" as my mom likes to say (only nothing got accomplished).  My dad said that he knew I was going to do what I wanted so I might as well go ahead and my mom did her usual act.

So yesterday (Monday), I went down to Student Services and filled out the application and they told me that I would have my answer by today. I went to Aunt Julie and Uncle Ron's house and had dinner and talked with them and just hoped and prayed that this would all work out.

I woke up this morning and couldn't even think straight because I was so stressed out about this. I went to work and on breaks I would check my mailbox.  And...nothing.  I kept checking, hoping that things would change. By 2 pm, I had heard nothing. So I went to Rinker, back to Student Services, and talked to the secretary at the desk.  I asked her about the status of my application and gave her my name. She looked at me, smiled, and said you're good! You got approved!  I stood there. Dumbfounded for a minute, then I started smiling and wanted to start jumping up and down.

My next stop was financial aid. And I got my new bill and smiled. I can afford college once again, with a very small loan.

My lesson from all of this? Well, there are a few.

The first? It's Ephesians 6:12 which says,

"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places."

When my mom said she wanted to take the car away, it became a control thing that was being held over me. After some very wise counsel, I said to her that it was okay, she could have the car back. And I left it at that.

I learned that turning the other cheek is not as easy as many would have you believe. To just sit and take verbal attacks is sometimes the hardest thing someone can do (at least, for me, this is true).

The biggest lesson I learned though was to trust that God would provide for my needs. I've always been fairly self-sufficient. So to have this circumstance that I couldn't handle, and to have to hand 100% to God...well, lets just say it was a learning experience. One that will stick with me now.

But God does provide. He loves us so much that He takes on our burdens and knows the deepest, most intimate cries of our hearts.  There have been moments in the past three weeks when all I could do was fall before Him, wordless, crying out to Him. But He heard me.

Having learned all of these lessons, I pray that it doesn't take the chance that everything you hold dear gets ripped away. I pray that God blesses you abundantly with His love.

-Jill