Recently I joined a book study hosted by two very dear friends. We're going through the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldrige. This book is a book that I have been wanting to read for a very long time so I'm glad I have something to keep me accountable for reading it now.
I was reading chapter three and It's called Haunted by a Question. And as I was reading this, I realized, there has never been a woman who has at all times in their life, felt beautiful. But that leads me to the question. What is true beauty? Is it the models we see on television and in magazines? Is it that actress in our favorite movie? Or is it the woman that we know who lives down the street?
Too often, it is the models and actresses that we see as beautiful. But for most of us, that is absolutely unattainable. But girls still try. They starve themselves, hide behind makeup, or they hide. And so often, I hear parents telling their young girls that they need to lose weight, stop eating so much, or that they will never be beautiful. And it breaks my heart. Young girls need affirmation that they ARE beautiful, that no matter what they look like, they are loved. So why is it that we don't tell them that?
One of the authors of Captivating, Stasi Eldredge writes, "When I was a girl of maybe five years old, I remember standing on top of the coffee table in my grandparents' living room and singing my heart out. I wanted to capture attention- especially my father's attention I wanted to be captivating. We all did. But for most of us, the answer to our Question when we were young was "No, there is nothing captivating about you." Get off the coffee table. Nearly all a woman does is fueled by her longing to be delighted in, her longing to be beautiful, to be irreplaceable, to have her Question answered, "Yes!" " (Eldredge, S. p. 46, 2005).
In response to being told that we are not beautiful or captivating, we try to fill that with things we can control (or think we can). And in trying to fill this emptiness, we become on of two ways (in most cases). There is the dominating woman and the desolate woman. The dominate woman says that she needs no one and she allows no one to see any vulnerability that she may have. In fact, she probably doesn't admit to herself that she could be vulnerable and she doesn't trust anyone. A desolate woman is very vulnerable. She is needy and clings to other people to find her self worth. They are the mothers that call their adult son at least once a day. She hides her beauty because she thinks she has none (Eldredge, 2005).
So what do we do when we feel like we are not beautiful? Well, in my case, I turned to things that I should not have. I started acting out and partying and got into relationships that were destructive. I made so many bad decisions before I learned to look at God to find what was missing in my life. Through these experiences, I learned a lot and wouldn't trade that for anything. But sometimes I look back and wonder if it was possible to change those experiences, would I have? And I wish that I had not given away those pieces of my heart. But then I remember that God can make us victorious and that no matter what, He sees our true beauty and loves us more than any human can. He looks at us and sees our imperfections, but loves us and finds us captivating anyway.
I don't know about you, but I would much rather find my true beauty in God than in humans. When I was wishing for people to tell me I was beautiful, I heard just the opposite. I remember waiting and wishing that one of my parents would find me beautiful, just once, and that they would voice it. But that moment never came. So I want to encourage everyone who happens to read this, to tell someone that they are beautiful and loved. Because maybe, you'll tell someone that has never heard it and maybe, they will see someday that it is true.
