Peace

Lately I've been stressing a lot.  None of it was even about school (with a ton of papers and group presentations and only one week of classes left, you would think that would be the issue), instead it was about this coming summer.

I wanted to stay in Rochester but God had other plans.  In two short weeks at this time, I will be back at my parent's house for the summer.  For a month or two I had been praying that God would give me peace about this move.

And it didn't come.

So the last few weeks had been filled with interviews and emails, trying to find a way to stay in the area without a vehicle.  When nothing came to fruition, I did not know how to handle it.  Somewhere deep down inside of me I knew that I was supposed to go back to my parent's but I wasn't able to think about what that meant for me.

For the past four years I have worked so hard to make Rochester my home.  After my sophomore year was over and I had a car, I stayed here year-round and only went home for short spurts of time (I kept my visits to less than a week, usually only a weekend).  I fell in love with the area and the people in it.  When I moved off-campus, while it was a hard transition, I was still in the area.  When I had to unexpectedly move out, it was even harder- the people I had relied on weren't who I expected them to be, but I made it work.  I moved on to something better, I learned that it was okay to let someone go because of the way they treated me or my family, I didn't have to put on a brave face in the moments I was scared anymore.

I came back to campus, had to make new friends (being a commuter makes it really hard to connect with people here on this campus), and I knew I had to find a new church.  But those friends I made (and the ones I got closer to) became my family.  THEY were the ones that were there for me when I had rough nights and couldn't sleep, THEY were the ones that let me stay at their places when I didn't know where to go, THEY were the ones that were there for me when I had my accident, and THEY are the ones that I know will be there fifteen, twenty years down the road. They've taught me that it's okay to be mad, to let people go, and how to love.

So when I thought about leaving this area (notice I said 'the area', I can't wait to graduate), I was torn up inside. I couldn't sleep or eat and I was grumpy most of the time.  I kept praying for peace and I didn't have it-

until last night.

Last night I went to this thing that my campus does- it's a time of worship, speakers, and prayer- and I was just going through the motions, thinking about how to find a job back home, how it would be between my parents and I with me there all the time.  After a conversation about how I have an interview coming up when I get home, I felt like my mom was resistant to me returning.  It was like nothing good could come out of either of our mouths because the other person took it the wrong way.  So as I was sitting down to pray about where my heart was and yet again, for peace, all I could hear was

"Jillian, it will be OKAY. I am with you, everything will work out for the best, this is my plan for you."

In that moment, I had such an overwhelming sense of peace.  It just washed over me and for the FIRST time in a few months, I knew without a doubt that this was what was going to happen, and that I would be okay. Even though it brings tears to my eyes when I think about leaving, I KNOW that my Father is going before me and that these changes will bring me closer to Him.