Realizations

Ever since I've come home, my life has been consumed with work, friends, and trying to make everybody around me happy.  I've started stretching myself so thin that I don't even know which way to go now.  Which way should I go next?  Should I hang out with my friends?  Should I spend some time getting lost in a new book?  Should I go out and enjoy taking pictures?  What should I do?  What way should I turn?  


It wasn't until after I did some serious soul searching that I realized something...the ONLY place I should be turning is toward God.  I shouldn't be worried about hanging out with my friends, or worried about what the next day at work will hold, I should be focused solely on God.  It was on my drive home from one of my best friend's weddings that I came to this realization.  


I remember telling Carissa that I was never going to get married because I wasn't willing to put up with the hassle of everything.  Well I went to Lauren and Reid's wedding and the entire time I had tears in my eyes because I could see what God had done in their lives.  From Lauren telling Reid that she was SO glad that she would never be marrying him in real life (during a budget project in HS) to seeing them at the altar looking at each other with a love for each other that few people will ever get to know, well it made me start to think.


Why haven't I been leaving this area of my life to God?  why have I started to look other places for this kind of love that only He can provide for me? Then it hit me even harder...I've been PURPOSEFULLY not letting God take control of my life.  I've been holding on to that "balloon" so tightly that I had no more grip left in my hand.  It was slipping out of my control and not into the control of Good but of Evil.  


Well guess what?  It's not my all-consuming thought anymore.  I rest in the peace of knowing that my God has someone out there...or not.  Either way, I rest in the knowledge that God will take care of me either way.

2/11/10 ...Part II

So I thought in the spirit of Valentine's Day coming up on Sunday, I would write each day until then something about Love and it's different meanings.  Tonight there are a few things on my mind.  

The first is the 4 types of love
Eros, Phileo, Agape, and Storge
Eros is admiration
Phileo is parental love
Storge is the friendship love
&
Agape is the love that cannot be broken.  It's the "till death do us part" love.

When I think about these loves, I think about the type of love that we all have in our everyday lives. 
Storge is the biggest and most well-used kind of love.  We love our friends and in most cases, our families. 
Eros is the love that we all feel when we first start a relationship with someone.  It is blind to the bad which can be both good and bad.  
Phileo is the type of love that I have always wanted to know what was like.  To be loved by a parent and know that you are loved...unconditionally. 
I feel lucky enough to have experienced Agape love already in my 18 years of life.  No, this love hasn't come for a human being.  I've experienced it through my relationship with God.  You see, 'till death do us part' applies not only to earthly marriages, but to our "marriage" to God.  It's so nice to know that I can wake up in the morning and no matter what I do, He still loves me unconditionally.